I was the substitute teacher for a second-grade math class that was learning about groups. In one exercise, pupils were asked to label a group of items according to their common characteristics.
Pictured were onion rings, doughnuts, a bundt cake, and ring cookies. The correct answer would have been that all the items have holes in the center.
But one health-conscious boy’s response was, “All of those things contain too much cholesterol.”
A wife complained, “You never listen to me. You only hear what you want to hear…”
The husband replied, “Sure honey, I’ll have a beer.”
I’m at the library, and for some reason, when I plug my flash drive into the computer, it doesn’t show up. I keep trying, but nothing happens.
As an IT major, I know I can figure this out. So I spend 15 minutes changing settings and inserting and removing the flash drive.
Then a girl sitting next to me taps my shoulder and says, “You’re plugging into my computer, not yours.”
My friend’s son worked at a fast-food restaurant when he was in high school. One night while he was manning the drive-thru, a customer told him that the intercom wasn’t working properly.
My friend’s son went about filling the order while a female co-worker fiddled with the intercom.
After making some fixes, she asked, “Is that okay now?”
“Well, no,” the customer replied. “Now you sound like a girl.”
The company where I work provides four-foot-high cubicles so each employee can have some privacy.
One day a co-worker had an exasperating phone conversation with one of her teenage sons. After hanging up, she heaved a sigh and said, “No one ever listens to me.”
Immediately, several voices from surrounding cubicles called out, “Yes, yes we do.”
Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race?
They ended up in a tie.
Grade school children were asked the question, “Why did your mom marry your dad?”
These are some responses:
1. She got too old to do anything else with him.
2. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
3. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world, and Mom eats a lot!